Differences

An in-progress list of cultural differences between Germans and Americans, three months later:

Goodbye!

I’m not sure if Americans are just not very formal or what have you, but saying “bye” to each other is something we rarely do unless we are conversing with someone we know or we’re hanging up the phone. I’ve lost all ability to end an e-mail with anything other than “thank you” or the occasional “cheers” at the end (if I close out the email at all). Here, it’s an epidemic. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had this kind of interaction, usually with a cashier or some other customer service worker:

Me: Danke schön.
Them: Schönen Tag noch! Tschüss!
Me, after already starting to walk away: Ah…Tschüss!

[Translation:
Me: Thank you.
Them: Have a good day! Goodbye!
Me, after swearing to myself yet again about forgetting this strange ritual: Ah…goodbye!

And also, if you’re wondering, this atrocious-looking word is more or less pronounced “Tchooss”]

It’s not that big of a deal, but it’s been three months and I still can’t get the hang of these additional syllables at the end of conversations.

PROST!

We Cheers each other in America. Really, we do. But typically we only do it once, at the beginning of the night. If more people show up later, well, they can just go cheers themselves. But here, it seems like every time anything happens – getting a fresh round, a new person showing up, someone bringing another kind of liquor to the table – a new round of Cheers happens. And heaven forbid if you Cheers someone and don’t look them square in the eye as your glasses clink, because if you do, someone will always be there to remind you that this heinous oversight just cost you seven years’ bad luck in bed (I hope this effect isn’t compounded, because this has happened to me at least 7 times).

Jaywalking will get you death glares 83% of the time, every time

Also, incidentally, did you know that 75% of statistics are made up on the spot? But I digress. I’m a jaywalker, it’s just what I do. I always look both ways of course, but if the street is clear and I’ve been waiting at the light longer than approximately 5 seconds, I’m just gonna go for it. Germans – especially older ones – just don’t do this. They will sit and wait for that damn little green man to light up, even if it takes three minutes. So when I decide to jaywalk and there’s anyone else in the vicinity, I make a point to look them directly in the eye and smile at them as they give me this terrifying and angry expression that I’m not sure non-Germans could even pull off.

I’ve never been hugged by so many people in so little time.

This might just be a personal thing, but I’ve never been huge into hugging or other forms of casual platonic touching. In general, it seems like Americans just need more personal space. We’re also not the huggiest society; I can’t say I’ve ever done a dedicated sociological study on the rate of hugging in the States, but it seems like an uncommon practice except between family and exceptionally good friends (unless you’re in some parts of the South).

Enter Europe. Now most times when I talk to someone new, I end the night by hugging them. In the case of some Mediterraneans, we just launch straight into that air/cheek kissing practice, which is a little startling when you’re not ready for it. The first time it happened, I internally screamed a little, then just responded with how I’d seen it done in movies (see, Europe, that trick works both ways).

This all felt highly abnormal for about a couple of weeks, but I learned to embrace it. It’s nice to be physically connected sometimes, even if it’s just for five seconds. Our society could probably do with a lot more of it.

German dogs are the most well-behaved domesticated creatures I’ve ever seen

This is kind of a weird observation, but I noticed it almost immediately. Dogs are everywhere in Germany. They ride the trams. They come into cafes. They take naps underneath the desks in university computer labs. They also somehow look a little different from the dogs I’m used to, although I can’t tell if this is a difference in breeding or movement or if – more likely – I’m just crazy. Probably at least half of them run around unleashed, but even so they’ll just calmly stroll past most human strangers without so much as a passing sniff. It’s almost a little off-putting for a dog-lover, but also somewhat mindboggling. How do all Germans innately know how to train their dogs so well?

Juxtapose them with French dogs sometime and you’ll see what I mean. French dogs are the antithesis of their German counterparts. In Lyon the dogs were reckless, carefree, chomping on their own leashes as they tried to lead their humans on goose chases. Dignified Frenchmen tried in vain to command their grown dogs to sit, and you could see the “HAHA NOPE” expression written all over the dogs’ faces as they not only refused to follow orders but also ran in circles around their exasperated humans.

Figure it out yourself

I’ve mentioned before that customer service was not invented in Germany, but it turns out neither was guidance. When I landed in Germany, I had a long list of bureaucratic hoops I had to jump through in a very specific order so I wouldn’t get shipped back overseas. I’m convinced that if I hadn’t had the very specific guidance of a Canadian who had previously gone through this, and then strong-armed my student tutor into going with me to the immigration office, I would be munching on a pasty in the UP right now. Now I’m all for avoiding hand-holding, since that tends to grow adults who are largely incapable of doing anything for themselves, but there’s a limit beyond which a little help would be great.

This appears to be just a cultural norm, since I’ve seen kids as young as 8 riding trains with absolutely no adult supervision. I’m pretty sure if you ever found and then cracked open a German self-help book, it would just read “Figure it out yourself”…in Icelandic.

I’m late! I’m late! I’m late for a very important date!

Germans are always on time and this is great, except it makes me feel terrible when I inevitably show up late. Seriously, either teach me your timeliness skills or stop it.

But the most insane thing Germans do is…

Brace yourself, because this is huge. Mindblowing, even. Germans like to make plans to meet up with their friends for dinner or drinks, and then – I hope you’re sitting down – actually talk to each other. Their cell phones remain in their pockets. Their expressionless faces aren’t lit up by a blue haze. They laugh together and start ridiculous conversations about cannibalism together and actually participate in their current activity together.

This isn’t to say they don’t love cell phones; they still check them occasionally at the bar, and I’ve run into more than one person on the sidewalk who was paying more attention to WhatsApp than the road. It’s just not nearly as much of a social crutch here as it’s come to be in America. You would never walk into a restaurant here and see four youths sitting at the table all staring at their phones (like I have countless times). Don’t worry, America, I’m diligently studying this behavior and will report back on the magical mechanisms behind it.